Risk Taking - Knievel Blood

I come from a blood line of risk takers ~ Evil Knievel was my grandpa's fourth cousin or something like that. In all honesty, I myself am not much of a risk taker. I am kind of one of those girls who likes to "hymmmmmm and haaaaahhhhh" (Mrs. Indescisive = ME) and leave the decisions to someone else. I definitely did not get the full dose of Knievel.

However, I do see the positives in taking risks. I read something the other day on twitter that really got me thinking about risk taking and the risks associated with NOT engaging in it. "Low risk takers often are the first to criticize." I don't want to admit this is true, but I fall into this category. I am often the invisible one without an opinion, not wanting to rock the boat or be disagreed with. But, I am also the one who after the fact will whine or snivel or complain that something isn’t the way I want or think it should be. This is a slightly embarrassing realization and makes me want to provoke change within myself and work on my passive aggressive behaviour.

In my Risk Tendency profile exercise, I scored in the moderately low: look, look, look before you leap category and felt that it was a pretty accurate assessment. I know there is merit in diversity of the levels of risk people take, but I hope to find a good balance between being gracious and stepping forward in situations I would normally sit back in.   Taking risks is not just for the upper ups, just like leadership itself; if I want to promote growth within myself and see my happiness level rise, then risk taking is where it is at.

Realizing this doesn’t make it any easier. Risk taking can be scary and unnerving, forcing people to live outside their comfort zones (me included). I am not 100% sure what holds me back sometimes. I am not necessarily scared of failure, as I am pretty good at picking myself up, dusting myself off, and learning from my mistakes. I am also very determined, hard working and up for a challenge. What is it that I am scared of then, when it comes to risk taking? How will I know if I never try? What have I really got to lose? How could my confidence build from the outcome of this situation? What are the consequences I am willing to take for sitting still?  All things to consider when venturing into risk taking territory (and working towards successful change for myself AND others).

Without reckless abandon, I am going to encourage myself to be a little more on the decisive side and step up into places unknown.  Take necessary risks, make myself a bit more vulnerable to enjoy this life of mine for all that it is worth, and get my career where I want it to be. Pull out 'the Knievel' a bit more (I know it’s in there, I just need to dig deep), and take a fearless approach to making my future all I dreamed of and more.

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just the first step." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Fierce Conversations

Here is a paper I had written after reading the book FIERCE CONVERSATIONS: ACHEIVING SUCCESS AT WORK AND IN LIFE ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME, by Susan Scott:

I missed the clinic because I was dealing with a sad, personal issue. Obviously everything happens for a reason because I truly needed to read this book from start to finish. I’ve been inspired to transform my conversations into something more than just words. Acknowledging this doesn’t happen overnight – I am willing to be patient with myself as I grow and test my leadership capacity. Just the self reflection I have been able to do as a result of digging deeper into the seven principles of fierce conversations is something I am truly thankful for. I believe it has kicked started a process that is going to lead me down some amazing paths full of growth and stretching, one conversation at a time. 

Going right back to the beginning of the book, Susan talked about workplace vs. personal life, which intrigued me to look at how I view things. “Who we are is who we are, all over the place.”[i] I often want to separate the two, but I am NOT an apple at work and an orange at home. My behaviours in avoiding essential conversations at work could in the long run affect my marriage, something that I value with all my heart and soul and I would never want to jeopardize it by being ignorant. There is a strong need for me to interrogate reality on a regular basis in all areas of my life; to search for ground truths, keep my immune systems strong, hold true to my values, and never again allow myself to be invisible.

“All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people.”[ii] What a great way to view how conversations truly work and provoke learning. This reminds me that there is a huge responsibility in taking myself and my leadership journey seriously. I need to be accountable for all of my conversations; I need to listen like I’ve never listened before; I need to be cognisant of the way I speak, the words I use, the way I engage others, and how I can give them (and myself) the gift of my full attention.

Pages 62-64 was/is a huge eye opener for me. “If you want to see someone in real pain, watch someone who knows who he is and defaults on it on a regular basis.”[iii] In the past, I have fought some pretty hard battles with myself - making excuses for sitting still, installing barriers for fear of the unknown journey that could lie ahead, and being ‘okay’ with a frustrating work environment that was draining, unsatisfying at best. I still feel as though I am living slightly out of alignment with who I am and how I live (tolerating mediocrity) but now I am equipped with tools that can allow me to come out of this pain and realize my full potential. “Reasons or results. We get to choose.”[iv]

I don’t want to be a mole whacker, an oreo cookie giver, a pillow stuffer, or a script writer (although I can sadly admit I have fallen into each of these traps a time or two). Plain and simple, I am a people pleaser - I hate conflict and I circumvent it at all costs. I don’t enjoy rocking the boat, upsetting people, or speaking up when something needs to be said. I’ve come to realize that a lot of the conversations I have had in the past that have not gone well haven’t been fierce or real (or exemplified leadership for that matter). “The problem named is the problem solved.”[v] This is so true and I wish it were as easy as it sounds.  I had no idea how detrimental my avoidance style of behaviour was and how critical it is to tackle tough challenges; take the risks and search for truths, go into conversations without a load, and aim for the chopping block. I am completely capable of having the courage to engage in healthy conversations that include both confrontation and appreciation. If I don’t start bringing some of my private thoughts into public, how will anyone ever be able to know where I am at and come beside me to help? I need to focus on outcomes, put blame away, and address issues with straightforward clarity, as any good leader would.

I like to believe that I am a genuine woman with heart that concerns myself with helping others. But enriching relationships goes a bit further than that just being nice. “A careful conversation is a failed conversation.”[vi] I can plan, plan, plan and think, think and over think, but really what good does that do? It actually sets me up for failure, for not entirely engaging a conversation, for predicting outcomes, and being hurt when things don’t go as I had envisioned. Sometimes a leader just needs to be still: “Silence encourages use to explore a more difficult peace.”[vii] Just like most of our North American society, I don’t deal well with silence, finding it awkward and uncomfortable, particularly when other people are involved. However, I can appreciate its importance and the vital role silence plays in having fierce conversations. I fully intend on practicing stillness and in time becoming more comfortable with its presence.

“The conversation is the relationship.”[viii] If I am not having the conversation, I am not having the relationship. I must take responsibility for my actions and be accountable moving forward. The end result is much better having had the conversation than not.  Taking that risk and finding the courage is worth it at this stage. I will ask questions and will listen without being offended or offering my advice.

I know where I am want to go, why I want to go there, who is going with me, and I am trying to figure out how I will get there. “As a leader, you get what you tolerate.”[ix] If I tolerate the status quo that’s my own doing. As a leader I should be striving to challenge the process and inspire shared vision, which is exactly what I intend on doing.  I will be powerful, passionate and eager – I will be FIERCE!

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[i]               SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 5)

[ii]              SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 83)

[iii]             MURRAY, Pat        Fierce Conversations (page 62)

[iv]            SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 155)

[v]             MURRAY, Pat        Fierce Conversations (page 130)

[vi]             SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 183)

[vii]            SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 235)

[viii]           SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 6)

[ix]             SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 60)

New Year Without Fear

Well, haven't I fallen off the blogging bandwagon?!?! It’s a well into the New Year, so its time for me to hop back on and do some serious thinking about my leadership journey.

Where am I right now? Well, I would have to say I am in a much better spot then I was a year ago (in terms of work satisfaction), so that’s always a good thing. I dreaded to no end coming into work early last year, almost to the point of tears some days. Now, although by no means am I 100% satisfied, I don't mind coming into the office and I can actually have a bit of fun and feel a sense of accomplishment. I still want a career instead of a job, but for the time being, I am going to soak in the comfort of it being much better than it was.

Why do I feel different? Well, I think it’s a number of factors, but I will focus on those changes that I myself have made. Making a conscious effort to try and step back when I get frustrated/angry/upset at work has help tremendously. I use to over analyze and tried to find some 'hidden or subliminal message' in a situation, which often didn’t exist anywhere besides my imagination. I am now allowing myself to be more aware of others (and NOT just the feeling/sensing/happy awareness that I am already really good at) and not get spun so tight when something is out of my control.

My leadership journey has lead me to a place to recognize my ignorant, assumption making behaviours. We all have them, but to be aware of them in the heat of the moment has been a huge realization for me. Now, does that mean I will never make assumptions or mistakes ever again? Of course not - but it does feel good to be cognisant of some of my short comings and work on things that I myself can change instead of placing the blame on everyone else.

Personally, I have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride these last few months. Shortly before Christmas my husband and I found out we were expecting baby # 2 and we were over the moon. It was the best Christmas present EVER, because we had been trying for awhile and couldn't wait to give our son a brother or sister. But at 9 weeks at an early dating ultrasound on the coldest January morning I found out we had lost the baby. It was unexpected, probably because my first pregnancy was so 'easy' and I just couldn’t imagine for something like this to happen. Little did I know that miscarriage is a very common event and everyone seems to have a story to tell about it. Believe me, I cried; I felt loss and pain and hurt, but for some reason I wasn’t angry and was able to find a wonderful sense of peace about the entire situation. Did my leadership journey play a role in this? Of course it did. Leadership is not just about work and how to excel in your field. Its about building character and how you handle life situations. You always have decisions to make about how you are going to react to what is thrown your way, whether its good or bad, happy or sad.

LOVE this - it is so true! I am a strong person and have strength in not so fun situations.

I have to make up for a bunch of missed blog posts from late 2011, so stay tuned! My brain is tumbling with great ideas to share, just gotta get them written :)