Risk Taking - Knievel Blood

I come from a blood line of risk takers ~ Evil Knievel was my grandpa's fourth cousin or something like that. In all honesty, I myself am not much of a risk taker. I am kind of one of those girls who likes to "hymmmmmm and haaaaahhhhh" (Mrs. Indescisive = ME) and leave the decisions to someone else. I definitely did not get the full dose of Knievel.

However, I do see the positives in taking risks. I read something the other day on twitter that really got me thinking about risk taking and the risks associated with NOT engaging in it. "Low risk takers often are the first to criticize." I don't want to admit this is true, but I fall into this category. I am often the invisible one without an opinion, not wanting to rock the boat or be disagreed with. But, I am also the one who after the fact will whine or snivel or complain that something isn’t the way I want or think it should be. This is a slightly embarrassing realization and makes me want to provoke change within myself and work on my passive aggressive behaviour.

In my Risk Tendency profile exercise, I scored in the moderately low: look, look, look before you leap category and felt that it was a pretty accurate assessment. I know there is merit in diversity of the levels of risk people take, but I hope to find a good balance between being gracious and stepping forward in situations I would normally sit back in.   Taking risks is not just for the upper ups, just like leadership itself; if I want to promote growth within myself and see my happiness level rise, then risk taking is where it is at.

Realizing this doesn’t make it any easier. Risk taking can be scary and unnerving, forcing people to live outside their comfort zones (me included). I am not 100% sure what holds me back sometimes. I am not necessarily scared of failure, as I am pretty good at picking myself up, dusting myself off, and learning from my mistakes. I am also very determined, hard working and up for a challenge. What is it that I am scared of then, when it comes to risk taking? How will I know if I never try? What have I really got to lose? How could my confidence build from the outcome of this situation? What are the consequences I am willing to take for sitting still?  All things to consider when venturing into risk taking territory (and working towards successful change for myself AND others).

Without reckless abandon, I am going to encourage myself to be a little more on the decisive side and step up into places unknown.  Take necessary risks, make myself a bit more vulnerable to enjoy this life of mine for all that it is worth, and get my career where I want it to be. Pull out 'the Knievel' a bit more (I know it’s in there, I just need to dig deep), and take a fearless approach to making my future all I dreamed of and more.

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just the first step." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Fierce Conversations

Here is a paper I had written after reading the book FIERCE CONVERSATIONS: ACHEIVING SUCCESS AT WORK AND IN LIFE ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME, by Susan Scott:

I missed the clinic because I was dealing with a sad, personal issue. Obviously everything happens for a reason because I truly needed to read this book from start to finish. I’ve been inspired to transform my conversations into something more than just words. Acknowledging this doesn’t happen overnight – I am willing to be patient with myself as I grow and test my leadership capacity. Just the self reflection I have been able to do as a result of digging deeper into the seven principles of fierce conversations is something I am truly thankful for. I believe it has kicked started a process that is going to lead me down some amazing paths full of growth and stretching, one conversation at a time. 

Going right back to the beginning of the book, Susan talked about workplace vs. personal life, which intrigued me to look at how I view things. “Who we are is who we are, all over the place.”[i] I often want to separate the two, but I am NOT an apple at work and an orange at home. My behaviours in avoiding essential conversations at work could in the long run affect my marriage, something that I value with all my heart and soul and I would never want to jeopardize it by being ignorant. There is a strong need for me to interrogate reality on a regular basis in all areas of my life; to search for ground truths, keep my immune systems strong, hold true to my values, and never again allow myself to be invisible.

“All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people.”[ii] What a great way to view how conversations truly work and provoke learning. This reminds me that there is a huge responsibility in taking myself and my leadership journey seriously. I need to be accountable for all of my conversations; I need to listen like I’ve never listened before; I need to be cognisant of the way I speak, the words I use, the way I engage others, and how I can give them (and myself) the gift of my full attention.

Pages 62-64 was/is a huge eye opener for me. “If you want to see someone in real pain, watch someone who knows who he is and defaults on it on a regular basis.”[iii] In the past, I have fought some pretty hard battles with myself - making excuses for sitting still, installing barriers for fear of the unknown journey that could lie ahead, and being ‘okay’ with a frustrating work environment that was draining, unsatisfying at best. I still feel as though I am living slightly out of alignment with who I am and how I live (tolerating mediocrity) but now I am equipped with tools that can allow me to come out of this pain and realize my full potential. “Reasons or results. We get to choose.”[iv]

I don’t want to be a mole whacker, an oreo cookie giver, a pillow stuffer, or a script writer (although I can sadly admit I have fallen into each of these traps a time or two). Plain and simple, I am a people pleaser - I hate conflict and I circumvent it at all costs. I don’t enjoy rocking the boat, upsetting people, or speaking up when something needs to be said. I’ve come to realize that a lot of the conversations I have had in the past that have not gone well haven’t been fierce or real (or exemplified leadership for that matter). “The problem named is the problem solved.”[v] This is so true and I wish it were as easy as it sounds.  I had no idea how detrimental my avoidance style of behaviour was and how critical it is to tackle tough challenges; take the risks and search for truths, go into conversations without a load, and aim for the chopping block. I am completely capable of having the courage to engage in healthy conversations that include both confrontation and appreciation. If I don’t start bringing some of my private thoughts into public, how will anyone ever be able to know where I am at and come beside me to help? I need to focus on outcomes, put blame away, and address issues with straightforward clarity, as any good leader would.

I like to believe that I am a genuine woman with heart that concerns myself with helping others. But enriching relationships goes a bit further than that just being nice. “A careful conversation is a failed conversation.”[vi] I can plan, plan, plan and think, think and over think, but really what good does that do? It actually sets me up for failure, for not entirely engaging a conversation, for predicting outcomes, and being hurt when things don’t go as I had envisioned. Sometimes a leader just needs to be still: “Silence encourages use to explore a more difficult peace.”[vii] Just like most of our North American society, I don’t deal well with silence, finding it awkward and uncomfortable, particularly when other people are involved. However, I can appreciate its importance and the vital role silence plays in having fierce conversations. I fully intend on practicing stillness and in time becoming more comfortable with its presence.

“The conversation is the relationship.”[viii] If I am not having the conversation, I am not having the relationship. I must take responsibility for my actions and be accountable moving forward. The end result is much better having had the conversation than not.  Taking that risk and finding the courage is worth it at this stage. I will ask questions and will listen without being offended or offering my advice.

I know where I am want to go, why I want to go there, who is going with me, and I am trying to figure out how I will get there. “As a leader, you get what you tolerate.”[ix] If I tolerate the status quo that’s my own doing. As a leader I should be striving to challenge the process and inspire shared vision, which is exactly what I intend on doing.  I will be powerful, passionate and eager – I will be FIERCE!

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[i]               SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 5)

[ii]              SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 83)

[iii]             MURRAY, Pat        Fierce Conversations (page 62)

[iv]            SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 155)

[v]             MURRAY, Pat        Fierce Conversations (page 130)

[vi]             SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 183)

[vii]            SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 235)

[viii]           SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 6)

[ix]             SCOTT, Susan        Fierce Conversations (page 60)

New Year Without Fear

Well, haven't I fallen off the blogging bandwagon?!?! It’s a well into the New Year, so its time for me to hop back on and do some serious thinking about my leadership journey.

Where am I right now? Well, I would have to say I am in a much better spot then I was a year ago (in terms of work satisfaction), so that’s always a good thing. I dreaded to no end coming into work early last year, almost to the point of tears some days. Now, although by no means am I 100% satisfied, I don't mind coming into the office and I can actually have a bit of fun and feel a sense of accomplishment. I still want a career instead of a job, but for the time being, I am going to soak in the comfort of it being much better than it was.

Why do I feel different? Well, I think it’s a number of factors, but I will focus on those changes that I myself have made. Making a conscious effort to try and step back when I get frustrated/angry/upset at work has help tremendously. I use to over analyze and tried to find some 'hidden or subliminal message' in a situation, which often didn’t exist anywhere besides my imagination. I am now allowing myself to be more aware of others (and NOT just the feeling/sensing/happy awareness that I am already really good at) and not get spun so tight when something is out of my control.

My leadership journey has lead me to a place to recognize my ignorant, assumption making behaviours. We all have them, but to be aware of them in the heat of the moment has been a huge realization for me. Now, does that mean I will never make assumptions or mistakes ever again? Of course not - but it does feel good to be cognisant of some of my short comings and work on things that I myself can change instead of placing the blame on everyone else.

Personally, I have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride these last few months. Shortly before Christmas my husband and I found out we were expecting baby # 2 and we were over the moon. It was the best Christmas present EVER, because we had been trying for awhile and couldn't wait to give our son a brother or sister. But at 9 weeks at an early dating ultrasound on the coldest January morning I found out we had lost the baby. It was unexpected, probably because my first pregnancy was so 'easy' and I just couldn’t imagine for something like this to happen. Little did I know that miscarriage is a very common event and everyone seems to have a story to tell about it. Believe me, I cried; I felt loss and pain and hurt, but for some reason I wasn’t angry and was able to find a wonderful sense of peace about the entire situation. Did my leadership journey play a role in this? Of course it did. Leadership is not just about work and how to excel in your field. Its about building character and how you handle life situations. You always have decisions to make about how you are going to react to what is thrown your way, whether its good or bad, happy or sad.

LOVE this - it is so true! I am a strong person and have strength in not so fun situations.

I have to make up for a bunch of missed blog posts from late 2011, so stay tuned! My brain is tumbling with great ideas to share, just gotta get them written :)

My Vision Board

What Success Looks Like

Not sure who to give credit to for this, but I LOVE it!

So very true J

Model the Way (Work VS Home)

Just submitted my Leadership Development Action Plan. Boy, I drive myself crazy sometimes over thinking things and trying to perfect something that really doesn’t need to be. Gesh!

I am feeling fairly confident that leadership is on my radar (in terms of train of thought) and I am excited for the first leadership clinic this Wednesday, as well as meeting up with some of my team members for lunch. Our lunchtime discussion is going to be on ‘Model the Way’, and it got me thinking – how do I model the way? I think I need to give a re-read to Chapters 3 & 4 of Kouzes and Posner's The Leadership Challenge, so that I can really hone in on this for my next post. But for now, these are my preliminary feelings about it:

I think a big part of my model is showing kindness, which I place a great deal of value on. To me it comes naturally; sometimes it pays off tremendously and I feel empowered that I can make others feel good about themselves and their work.  Other times it leaves me feeling stomped on and powerless when things don’t go so “happily” because I sit back and get angry inside instead of reasonably speaking about how I truly feel in that moment, then opt to sleep on it, sweep it under the rug and make assumptions(baaaaaaaaad, I know!). At work, I feel as though I am often stuck between a rock and hard place. My career path feels as though it is truly going no where and no one is going to care if I don’t. Sometimes it concerns me greatly that I still feel dissatisfied with my "career" , but other times I take comfort in the fact that I have a wonderful family that needs me and that I love very much.  

There is a fairly large discrepancy between how I model the way at work vs. how I model the way in my home life.  Why is that? I think it’s partially a comfort/situational thing, but there has to be more to it than that. Perhaps it has something to do with the line "If you don't believe in the messenger, you won't believe the message?" Am I perhaps a little too meek at work, and stronger/more self assured at home? Definitely something for me to think about moving forward. Why is it that I allow myself to sometimes be a pushover at work, where as at home I will speak my mind? There needs to be more balance between the two in terms of listening to my values and setting the examples that come with those values regardless of where I am and what I am doing.

To end on a more positive note, here is a café assignment from earlier this year where I spoke about how someone modelled the way for me - ENJOY!

Experience of Model the Way

Written February 2011

Entering the world of government at the ripe old age of nineteen, I was intimidated to say the least. Ridiculously shy and unsure of myself, I had no clue what I was getting myself in to. Although I was a quick and eager learner, I doubt I would have lasted my first fire season as a seasonal Information Coordinator had it not been for Wendy.

Wendy was my direct supervisor and she ‘modelled the way’ for me right from the get go. She took me under her wing, and even in the pressure of having a very busy and stressful fire season, our team had a lot of fun and showed a lot of respect for one another. She was very encouraging, thoughtful, and let her staff learn from their mistakes instead of punishing them. Her positive demeanour was infectious. 

Although I know perfection isn’t always reality, I now taking pride in myself and the work that I do because of the values that Wendy inspired me to strive for. In a male dominated field such as forestry, she stood her own and was well respected by field staff.  She had a lot of integrity and her modesty is something I will always admire.

Wendy encouraged me to come out of my shell and to know that I am capable of much more than I am aware of. I will always be truly thankful for the positive impact she has had on my life in the six years that I worked for her. Although she has moved to Ontario to start a new chapter in her own life, she still keeps in contact with me and encourages me to be the best that I can be. I hope that some day I can ‘pay it forward’.

Leader Acronym

Loyal
Encouraging
Active
Direct
Energized
Reflective

Encouraging Feedback

I got this feedback from a manager who was a participant in the café portion of leadership program I am currently enrolled in. I am proud of this feedback and was (and still am) very encourgaged by this individuals' words, so I thought I would share:

From April 2011

Hi,

I have to say, of all the credos and experiences we read for this Café, I enjoyed yours the most. You are early in your career, and yet you already have good self-awareness and are cognizant of your greatest weakness which is also your greatest strength; your empathy. Your stories shone with your personality and I could feel the honesty and emotion in them.

Someone like me can only look over at folks like you and be envious. It simply isn’t in me to be as forthright and honest as you can be about your feelings; you speak from the heart, to the heart. You are going to be a great leader ‘when you grow up’. Well, get older and more experienced anyway – I hope you never grow up.

I’ve really enjoyed being on your team. And for all that other stuff like input, punctuality and contribution. That was good too. But your empathy kicks-a**, even if some days you might think it would be better to have thick skin and be a lousy listener.

Cheers!

Don't Remember, But I Like It !

I don't remember writing this, but I like it...

Written March 2011

Being a leader doesn’t need to be scary. Being a leader can actually be a very fun and rewarding experience. Sometimes volunteering for a leadership role can seem overwhelming, but the end results (if you put the effort in) are totally worth it. As a leader, you must also be in control and keep your team on track, especially when dealing with tight timelines. Dealing with different personalities does not need to be a challenge, if you embrace the differences and utilize their strengths.

10 Years from Now...

Written March 2011

My family is first and foremost me, so ten years from now I want my family to be complete, healthy, and financially stable. Being a relatively new mom now, I really struggled with returning to work this past September when my maternity leave was over. I am still struggling to try and juggle full time employment and full time mom, wife, cook, housekeeper, etc., but somehow I am figuring things out. I am hoping to find a semi-perfect balance between work life and home life. I want my children to have strong values and that they will have a great deal of integrity and respect for others. I want them to look up to me and truly believe I have done my very best to provide for them in all ways.

Ten years from now, I would like to NOT be viewed as a push over. I want to be able to be more upfront and say what I need to say when I need to say it, instead of always worrying about making others happy and letting them hear what they want to here. I want to be remembered as an individual who went out of her way for others, but not at the expense of herself. I want to be held accountable for my actions and really make a difference in my work place.

In 2021, I sure hope I am not doing what I am doing now in terms of my career. I would like to have completed my degree (and perhaps another) and be moved into a job where I am truly making a difference and helping others excel in their lives. What that looks like, I am not 100% sure. I am almost 30 years old and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! So hopefully I can start being more decisive and clear on my career goals as I inch closer to 40.

My Credo

Written February 2011

Never take relationships for granted. Always treat others with respect by being honest and intentional, standing up for what you believe in, and setting positive examples for others to follow. Avoid putting on shows or being someone you are not; be real and transparent with both your words and actions. Show compassion when interacting with others; when you feel valued, you are much more likely to be productive and achieve more, both personally and professionally. A small investment of time or even a simple smile can go a long ways without you even realizing it.  

Don’t fall into the trap of making too many assumptions. Strive for clarity and pay attention to the details that truly matter. Face challenges head on and try to embrace change instead of fear it. Always act with your best foot forward; be proactive and open minded.

Make meaning in everything you do. Take pride in yourself, but be careful to also remain humble. Accept the fact that you are a valuable resource and have an important role to play, regardless of how big or small you think that role is. Don’t be afraid to show a bit of enthusiasm. It’s often contagious!

My Personality Type

Written February 2011

My four-letter personality type is ESFJ (Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging). My personality type tells me that I place a high value on relationships and have a friendly drive to get things done. I tend to be cooperative, compassionate and outgoing when interacting with others. Often referred to as a "people pleaser", the nurturing side of me often struggles with being oversensitive or "stuck in the middle" of two conflicting sides. I enjoy contributing to team dynamics and my knack for paying close attention to detail often comes in handy when leading.

My Original Leadership Statement

Written November 2010

A leader is someone who is effective, enabling, and organized; someone who can make decisive, confident decisions, all while showing a caring, invested interest in guiding and pushing others to be at their best. A genuine leader is inspirational, true to themselves, and never condescending.

Leaders in my life have all left a personal touch in my heart for which I will forever be grateful. The two most prominent examples are:

* My mother, who lost her husband when she was young, showed me how to be strong, how to persevere and never give up when the going gets tough. Many of her best qualities were instilled in me as a little girl.

* My former boss, who took a chance on me when I really did not have the qualifications or experiences as a teenager entering the workforce. She embraced me, took me under her wing, encouraged me to be proud of myself and my work, to pay attention to details big and small, and that a kind smile can go a long way.

Opportunities in which I have had to demonstrate leadership include the following:

* In a previous position, I provided support, guidance and oversaw work flow to three co-workers. I was also given the opportunity to directly supervise three other seasonal staff, which I enjoyed very much.

* In my current position, I instruct data entry courses in a formal classroom environment. This has allowed me to put my coaching skills into practice and build confidence in my presentations skills, as well as improving my public speaking.

I am interested in exploring leadership because I want to push myself that much further and truly discover where my career might take me if I step out a little more. I feel that I have a lot to offer, but sometimes do not realize my potential or showcase it well enough to advance, although I know deep down I am more the capable. I want to grow, become more assertive, and allow my creativity to never get shoved aside, but find ways for others to embrace it.

Based on information given to me by co-workers who were previously or are currently involved in the Leadership Program, my expectations are quite high. I think that networking and encouragement will play a large role in helping me achieve my leadership goals. It would also benefit me to broaden my perspectives on what leadership really entails and how to put processes into action without any procrastination.

I have a caring, compassionate and well rounded personality. If one can have these qualities, as well as the knowledge and skills to encourage and guide others, it has the makings for a great leader. I have the tools to be a collaborative, energetic and inventive team player. I am interested in my family (particularly my loving husband and sweet 14 month old son), hockey, camping, and enjoying the small, yet important details in life. I am looking forward to what the future brings and am excited to be involved in the leadership program!